My dad has taught me some of the most interesting lessons and morals in my lifetime, and on occasion, a select few of them will come back to me like they are on a roster in my brain, peering their little heads from time-to-time to remind me of Dad’s thoughts and wisdom.

Yesterday afternoon was the last time one of my dad’s treasures wiggled its way out of my memory to give me a chance to ponder deeply about it once again.

I do not remember how the conversation started when it first occurred, but the idea that my dad shared with me is that an act of genuine and complete selflessness simply does not exist. To my knowledge, this is not a concept of my dad’s own creation, but he passed on the concept to me and it is one of those things that I enjoy really diving into, and the more I think about it, the more intriguing it becomes.

Here is how it is laid out:

Serving an act of kindness is self-gratifying, and it is human nature to crave attention to be called to our good deeds. We feel compelled to have other people know when we have done something truly wholesome. We want the recognition, but if we get recognition and we feel gratified by it, it is not truly selfless because it still serves us as individuals.

He said that the closest we can ever get to doing a completely selfless act is by doing something that can not be traced back to us. For example, if you left out a meal and a blanket somewhere you knew a homeless person would find it, but they never knew it was you who did it, no one saw, and you told not a soul.  Or if you bought a car for someone without the means of transportation, left the keys in their mailbox, and scurried away before you were noticed, and again, told absolutely no one. That is as close to selfless as you can get, but it is still not completely selfless, because you will still feel good about the thing you had just done.

When he first explained this concept to me, for a while, I struggled with feeling guilty and ashamed for bringing attention to the fact that in some way, I had always been at least just a little bit selfish. I would go on to feel embarrassed for feeling good when I had done something good.

After some reflection, I have since discovered that this mindset is silly, and I think that feeling good for doing good has its own benefits. For example, doing something kind and releasing those endorphins is a great and quick acting way to help you start to feel better when you have settled into a state of sadness that has begun to carry on for too long. It is a good prompt to motivate you to carry forward. I know this because it is something I have exercised a lot.

I have also tried to complete one of those “nearly selfless tasks,” but every time I tried, I always failed. In fact, I think I just doomed myself a failure forevermore for bringing attention to the fact that I tried. Now, you know there is a chance that I still might be trying, and that breaks my chances of ever getting that close.

My failure never happened while performing whatever good deed I was attempting in that moment. Being stealthy about a good deed, I have found, is far easier than keeping it a secret for the remainder of time. Eventually, at some point or another, the human desire for validation drove me to tell the story of my good deed from the past to someone else.

You can never be truly selfless. What a concept.

It is one of those things that keeps me up at night while my mind spins and twists to find loopholes. I am fascinated by it. When I focus my attention to this idea, I feel like I am living in a paradox. It makes me feel like the world around me is an impossible escape room, and even though I know it is impossible, I still try to outsmart the master. In my heart, I believe I can find the key, but I am only trying to bend what is static and it absolutely boggles my mind. This to me, is one of the most interesting thoughts I have ever been encouraged to unravel. It feels like a dilemma, but it is just a fact. Each time this idea reoccurs to me, I have new approaches, I try different angles, and I dive into it further, but I can never find a satisfying conclusion. Like I said, fascinating.

I challenge you to try it. Try doing one good deed that is as close to selfless as you can get. Remember, that means that no one can ever know about it. My comment section better be empty, because if you tell me you have done it, that only means that you have failed.

Good luck.