Runny Nose
I had a runny nose once.
When it began it was abrupt, but
For a week, maybe longer, it lingered.
It was intrusive and gross and it filled my face,
As does a runny nose.
And I went through a lot of tissue.
It muted my senses;
I couldn’t taste or feel or smell the way that I normally could.
I couldn’t speak as fluidly.
I couldn’t move around too much without quickly becoming fatigued.
From a distance, or at a glance, a person might not have known I was bothered,
But it became more apparent the closer a person looked.
Sometimes, I would convulse into fits of unexpected sneezes.
I would try to keep it stuffed up inside of me,
But sometimes, without warning, what I tried to cover up would pour out,
and leak from my face.
It would be on display for anyone to see,
And I would be embarrassed.
It started affecting the people around me.
It was disruptive and irritating.
It was contagious.
I surround myself with people that I love,
And so, the people I love started to feel dry and weak and wilted too.
I meant to apologize,
But it felt silly to be sorry.
It kept me awake at night.
It felt as though my lungs couldn’t get enough air in them.
My eyelids were pinned open, and I would lay there for hours, frustrated and exhausted.
It was painful.
My skin was cracking and falling apart. But still, I had to blow my nose.
It was persistent.
It seemed no matter how hard I fought, in my head, it still remained.
In fact, for a while, it seemed the harder I fought, the more prevalent it became.
But despite how helpless it seemed, I knew I had to keep fighting.
I had to defeat the virus.
So I kept going through tissue,
Until finally,
I could breathe again.
I had a boyfriend once.
He was cruel and we broke up, but
The impact he had on me lingered.
It was intrusive and gross and in my face,
Much like a runny nose.
And I went through a lot of tissue.
It muted my senses;
I couldn’t taste or feel or smell the way that I normally could.
I couldn’t speak as fluidly.
I couldn’t move around too much without quickly becoming fatigued.
From a distance, or at a glance, a person might not have known I was bothered,
But it became more apparent the closer a person looked.
Sometimes, I would convulse into fits of unexpected emotion.
I would try to keep it stuffed up inside of me,
But sometimes, without warning, what I tried to cover up would pour out,
and leak from my face.
It would be on display for anyone to see,
And I would be embarrassed.
It started affecting the people around me.
It was disruptive and irritating.
It was contagious.
I surround myself with people that I love.
And so, the people I love started to feel dry and weak and wilted too.
I meant to apologize,
But it felt silly to be sorry.
It kept me awake at night.
It felt as though my lungs couldn’t get enough air in them.
My eyelids were pinned open, and I would lay there for hours, frustrated and exhausted.
It was painful.
My heart was cracking and falling apart. But still
I had to carry on.
It was persistent.
It seemed no matter how hard I fought, in my head, it still remained.
In fact, for a while, it seemed the harder I fought, the more prevalent it became.
But despite how helpless it seemed, I knew I had to keep fighting.
I had to defeat the virus.
So I kept going through tissue,
Until finally,
I could breathe again.
Related to: I Want to Drown Him
Uncle Don
Love your stories Danika.
Danika
Thank you very much. ♥︎
I Want to Drown Him • Danika's Memory Box
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