It Does Not Get Better
Picture this: something horrible just happened to you. You turn to your family and friends for some advice or just some comfort, and what do they say?
“Time heals all wounds.”
“Things will get better.”
“Tomorrow is brighter.”
You roll your eyes. You know they are just trying to help you, and perhaps they are struggling with what to say in order to make you feel better, but you are defeated. In anger or sadness or emptiness, you are pessimistic, and you think, “things aren’t just going to get better.”
And I agree with you.
Well, in part. Things do get better, and then worse, and then better again all the time. The world around you is ever evolving, fluctuating and changing, but as the things around you get better, it does not necessarily mean that you will. The world around you has the potential to spark joy inside of you for a while, but it will never make you happy long-term.
The little while can last just a few short moments, enough to satisfy you for a moment but not long enough to fill the void. The little while can also last a very long time and can continue to be an aid to you for days, weeks, months, or even years! I want to talk about this a little further.
Among the many different beautiful things in the world, a commonly recognized natural beauty is a flower. They are everywhere, and they are appealing because they are dainty, colorful, and bright.
When I go for walks in the summertime, I commonly stumble upon Daisies. Their appearance alone is enough to soften my heart for a moment, and of course, they unveil memories from my childhood of playing “he loves me, he loves me not.” They are happy tiny treasures to happen on as I walk, but they are so common that the delight they cause to flicker inside of me fades as quickly as I turn my head away. Of course, I appreciate the glee I feel in the moments the Daisies can provide it to me, but that joy is not sustainable or long-lasting. I should not rely on Daisies to carry me, because they will fail.
I love adventure, and one of my favorite calming and casual kind of adventures is to explore trails through trees. Sometimes on my journeys, I wander onto a trail that is decorated endlessly with Alberta Roses – the official flower of my province. Wherever they grow, they seem to grow in packs, but I do not find them as often as I do Daisies, so whenever I encounter them, it feels sort of… special. It is often enough of a delight to bring up in conversation and engage someone else in my joy. The warm fuzzies linger for longer than it takes for me to turn my head, but still… not for much longer after I have left the trail. Perhaps minutes, maybe longer if the conversation ignited was of enough substance to carry on. It takes longer than the Daisies to fade, but it still does not last long enough to be a source to replenish my soul.
My favorite flower in the world is a Tiger Lily. When I was four years old, my family moved onto an acreage. When we moved, our entire property was tall, thick, Canadian thistles as far as the eye could see. We had no grass, no trees, and no plants. Over the years, my parents tackled the acres of thistles and slowly began replacing them with green grass and tall trees. They had their work cut out for them and it was a long and tedious process. One day, I went outside to play and somewhere in the midsection of our yard, I found the most beautiful flower I had ever seen growing on its very own. I plucked it and brought it to my mom to ask her about it. She said it was a Tiger Lily, and that she had no idea where it came from. She had not planted it and she did not find it typical for one to grow naturally alone, without sight of another nearby. The mystery of it to me was magical and it filled my heart with delight and wonder. Stumbling upon the lily as I went about my day and spending time with my mom learning and wondering about it made me feel like I was living out a chapter from my own fairy tale. That memory is still very dear to me and now, every time I see a Tiger Lily, I think back to the first time I ever saw one and the talismanic effect it had on my youthful wonder. Whenever I see a Tiger Lily now, the charm of that memory brings me a more genuine and long-lasting happiness.
The thing that separates the Tiger Lily from the Alberta Rose or the Daisy is not the flower itself; the delightful memory I have attached to the lily was formed because of the happiness I created. When I was a little girl, I could have easily dismissed the flower as I passed it by and continued about my day, but I did not. I appreciated its beauty, I created its magic, and I prompted a special moment to share with my mom. I decided to nurture that memory and so, I created for myself, a source of long-lasting happiness.
It will never matter how many wonderful things you stumble upon if you do not give them meaning or use them to build off. Nothing external will ever make you happy long-term. The only thing in this universe that create longevity in happiness for yourself is you. A Tiger Lily is just a Tiger Lily unless you decide that it is not. Time heals all wounds, but not without your help. Things will get better, but you decide how much. Tomorrow is brighter, but only if you allow yourself to see it.
Unwanted Life
I guess it’s more accurate to say you’ll get passed or get over the bad event, rather than things getting better. What does better even mean in that context anyway? If you parents die, you can still have a happy life, but most would say their life would be better if their parents were still here
Danika
I think the focus should be on what good you can create & maintain for yourself. 🙂
Davon-Rae Johnson
Love this! I agree with the sentiment! 🙂
Danika
I’m so glad you enjoyed the read! ♡
Monique
I love the personal and real tone of this article (also the interest in daisies and tiger lilies). I agree with what you said about the world is ever changing, but I do sincerely believe that whatever you’re feeling, it will get better. You may not know when, but it will. Lovely read, it’s great that I’m reading this in the morning. Awesome!
http://www.lifebeginsattwenty.com
Danika
Oh, thank you! I’m delighted you enjoyed the read & I hope you return here again soon! ♡
And yes; things get better. This post just focuses on how they won’t if you don’t believe they will or if you rely on external influence as your primary source of happiness instead of building it for yourself, and they will in a more maintainable & long lasting way if you fight for yourself and create purpose within your own life. 🙂
Greg Johnson
I hope I submit this one correctly. I commented last week and it’s not here! Ha ha!!
Danika I loved this! You have developed a wonderful sense of pace and deliverance. I think you have poetically nailed remedy here. Ultimately it is on us to grow our tiny flowers of happy into our own sense of contented purpose. And take in the fragrance of those flowers, our strongest memory sense.
I always look forward to the next! Keep your brilliant observations coming. Observe and express as only you can!
Danika
Oh, thank you very much! This comment did, in fact, get through. ♡
Take in the fragrance of the flower, what a perfect thing to add.
Raelene Johnson
I remember that day very clearly. I hope I didn’t show you the way I felt when I saw that you pulled the entire Lily out by the roots so we wouldn’t have more of them. I hope you only saw that I was happy you found the pretty orange flower. The same one I loved finding in the ditch by my house when I was a little girl.
You have always been amazing at finding the magic in everything 💕
Danika
I do remember your disappointment with the way I removed the flower. 😂 but it doesn’t take away from the special moment. ♡ thank you!
Molly
Such an honest piece of writing, with a beautiful sentiment. I will probably start liking Tiger Lillies a bit more now! thank you for sharing x
Danika
Oh, thank you so much! ♡ This comment was such a delightful thing to wake up to. 😊
I hope you visit again soon.
Ocean
This was a wondeful read! You seem to understand what in time I think everyone will! As someone who struggles daily with self love among other things! This really touches home for me! I love the metiphoric use of the flowers! So touching you are such a talented woman!
Danika
Oh my goodness, thank you! 🥰 You are such a wonderful person, I hope you find a way to never struggle with loving yourself again. ♡
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