Immaturity is one of those things we treat as a category; a way to define someone as a whole. It is used as an encompassing insult and implies condescension and belittlement.

We recognize immaturity as a lack of growth, and what baffles me is typically, we assume that lack of growth is permanent when we describe it as immaturity. We absentmindedly classify people as being either entirely mature or entirely immature – especially as they settle into adulthood, still, it is easy to recognize that there are variables that can fluctuate a person’s level of maturity in different aspects of their lives. Activity, experience, and knowledge are all things that impact a person’s level of maturity in different subjects. Through a deep dive of continually asking myself why this is, I think I have thought up a better way to better understand and measure maturity.

Maturity reflects growth, and that is a good foundation, but a better measurement of maturity, I think, is to recognize it as this:

Maturity = Control over Choice

Furthermore,

Growth = Confidence over Control.

An immature person simply lacks control over choice, simply because they lack confidence over control. It is as if they are being pulled through life like they are riding on the back of a motorcycle; holding on for dear life with no understanding of where they are going and simply assuming that eventually, hopefully, they will get there. They have less time to predict when the next bend is approaching and are struggling to time when to lean. They are not prepared for the future of their journey, as all their focus must remain within the next ten or so seconds to come. Their field of view is narrower and shorter, and they feel as if they don’t have any right to choose.

I think we tend to assume that insecurity promotes immaturity but honestly, I am beginning to believe that the opposite is actually true. Often, immature people recognize that their peers view them as being immature and often, this promotes them to accept immaturity as a defining piece of their identity. This, of course, is not a good stroke for the ol’ ego and in turn, is a slippery slope into insecurity. Immature people are notoriously known for being silly and for having poor social judgment. I think that this is the result of a combination of insecurity and lack of confidence over control. They adapt to the assumptions made about them and use them as a shield by becoming more theatrically silly and socially stunted. They believe that they are gaining control over choice by choosing to become vibrantly immature. They believe that growing into these shoes deters other’s ability to judge them – after all, is a judgment still a judgment if it is simply the truth? This creates an engulfing vicious cycle because heightened immaturity leads to degrading judgment, which leads to insecurity, which leads to a desire to defend, which leads to heightening immaturity. Worst of all, we promote this cycle to continue by assuming that immaturity is a static classification rooted in insecurity.

I believe this is all important to recognize and to digest because it offers us the ability to provide support and guidance without being aggressive or diminishing. If we understand how to build maturity by working backwards, we are interlocking our fingers and kneeling to offer a boost for those struggling with immaturity. Subliminally, we can offer confidence over control.

We can put them into the rider’s seat of a motorcycle by gifting them the opportunity to lead. Start small by providing a tiny dose of leadership in an area they are already comfortable and build by beginning to provide them an option to lead in unfamiliar territory. It will be clumsy at first; they will be sheepish, uncomfortable, and embarrassed. Likely, several times, they will try to pass off control as they will feel they are out of their league. At first, they will frequently take staggeringly lengthy breaks and they will long for your attention to divert away from them so they can avoid the feeling of embarrassment as they learn.

They will struggle to find balance and they will rev the throttle far too high when they hurry to grab the handlebar in an attempt to keep the bike upright. They will stall a hundred times and they may even drop the bike once or twice. Eventually, though, after manoeuvring around pylons in the parking lot for a while, they will begin to get the hang of it. Their skills will develop, and they will feel ready to try going a little faster, turning a little sharper, braking with a little more grace. This will begin to build their confidence over control.

Then, they will find themselves ready to ride along the open road. For a while, they will still be growing accustom to their confidence. They will make mistakes and continue to feel insecure as the operator, but eventually, that will fade with practice. Feeling worried will transition into feeling ready and one day, they will have the tools and the skills to be diligent and mindful in planning their own journey. They will be able to prepare for miles ahead and they will have the courage to tackle obstacles such as poor weather or road conditions as they come, even if by surprise. They will be able to predict corners and will grow to understand when and how far to lean. They will feel leadership over the motorcycle instead of the opposite; they will gain control over choice.

I think this is all an interesting consideration and I believe it is healthy for everyone to take the time to consider. The measurement and building blocks of maturity is practical and widely applicable. It should also be something we consider within, and for ourselves. Even if you are well-rounded and confident in your person, that does not mean you will be within every field. The next time you begin something new, whether it be a path for your life, a new skill, a different environment, or an unexpected chapter, do me a favor and consider approaching it with this post in mind. Assume that you are immature in the field and that you need to gain confidence over control, then control over choice in order to mature into it. View the journey as an opportunity for growth and understand that you must build to see development. Challenge your embarrassment and when you feel ready for a break, ask yourself if it is because you need it or if it is because you feel insecure or out of your league. Challenge your instincts to oppose help or guidance and ask yourself if it is because you are ashamed that you need assistance. Give yourself the opportunity to grow by building your confidence over control so that you can become ready to have control over choice.

A final note: Isn’t it funny that small doses of silliness becomes a respectable trait in someone that is considered mature?